Anonymous Girl - 19 (2007 Interview)

I am 19 years old. I'll be 20 in September. They first started talking to me when I was 9 years old. I had to see this school counseler who was a complete wierdo. He actually got fired later for being a child molester, but I guess I was lucky because he liked boys, so he never did anything to me. I had to see him because my Mom ditched out on the family, and I had to take responsibility and raise my sisters. I had a fucked up childhood. I basically did not have a childhood. I was definately having some problems, but I could tell that the counseler was a creep, so I didn't talk to him. I just lied to get out of there ASAP. I did not want to be there. Then I was okay, until I was 13.

When I was 13 I ran away from home with my friend and we were planning suicide. I ate half a can of Spaggetti-Os and half a bottle of Aspirin, then when it was my friend's turn she freaked out and called her Dad. We got sent home. Later I ran away again. This time I was fine. I was just couch surfing with some friends, but the cops arrested me. I was 15. I spent the night in a jail cell. The cops told me that I could go to the Johnson Psych Unit civilly, or I could go facedown in an ambulence, handcuffed. So I went.

I had to fill out a huge questionare. Luckily I'm smart, and I'm good at figuring stuff out, so I answered it how I thought they would want it, but I was labled Manic Depressive anyway. I was put on Zoloft, then they raised my dosage. It made me really out of my mind. I didnt know what was going on at all. I felt like I had another half. It was like a bad acid trip. I would freak out and try to break out the windows to escape. They would tie me to a bed and shoot me full of Tranquilizers.

Psychiatrists claim to have all the answers, but they are the easiest people to freak out. At first I would tell them fucked up shit just to freak them out, but finally, after months, I started playing their game, just so that I could get out. It was a scary place, and the people who worked there were serious morons. It was a straight up mental institution. A girl in there tried to hang herself with a T shirt. The security guards tackled her and threw her around. They hogtied her with ziplock ties. They didn't even try to talk to her. They just locked her in a room.

They did not help me at all. They did not help me with my issues at all. The only thing that made me better was I had to make a concious effort to take care of myself.

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